Friday, May 4, 2018

#Omer, Days 34 and 35, heading into Shabbat

Here's what I'm noticing most these days -

Life is not what I expected. Life is. That’s the deal. It’s bumpy and messy and scary and happy and joyous and perplexing, in infinite variety and subtlety. And most of all: changing. I get to participate in that. I get to do it well and fuck it up, find moments of grace and spar with demons of my own devising. In the midst of pain or doubt or joy or hope, it is not so dark: I am not so alone, as long as I put one foot in front of the other.

I get to find God, every day. I can be made whole, every day. I can be healed, every day. None of this comes naturally to me. It is still easier, at times, to disconnect than to willingly open up my heart. If I can just commit, just trust, just forgive, just love, then I would know I was in the presence of God.

But I have known God’s grace, and I have felt joy and love, and so I struggle gladly to be human, every day.

Shabbat shalom to all I love and hold so very dear xo

#countingtheomer #shabbat #expectations

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