About Me

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I write, mostly to keep my head from exploding. It threatens to do that a lot. My blog is the pixelated version of all the voices in my head. I tend to dive into what connects me to God, my community, my family and my doubt. I do a lot of searching, not as much finding. I’m good with that. I have learned, finally, to live comfortably in the gray. In the meantime, I wrestle with God, and my doubt and my joy.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Fifty short sentences, in no particular order. More or less.

1. There's no such thing as too much caffeine.
2. Buster Brown lived in a shoe; I live in my head.
3. The longest journey I've ever had to make is the one that goes from my head to my heart.
4. It's all about redemption.
5. It is not
what I pray that matters; that I pray is what matters most of all.
6. That I search for God does not guarantee that I will find God.
7. I am on a quest to live a life that matters.
8. What matters is connection-- to others, to God, to family.
9. We each of us have two families: the family into which we are born and the family we choose and gather along the way.
10. Sometimes, doing nothing is the next right thing.
11. If you wear your heart on your sleeve, you must expect it to be bruised occasionally.
12. I am a romantic in cynic's clothing.
13. They say sarcasm is a hidden form of anger; I say--- not so hidden.
14. Mom taught me that the highest compliment you can give someone is to say "You are a mensch."
15. I was once challenged to live a life of honesty and trust and a willingness to be vulnerable on a daily basis.
16. Some days, that's easier than others.
17. I try not to confuse "humility" with "humiliation."
18. Some days, that's easier to do than others.
19. If God had intended there to be flavored coffee, God would have created flavored coffee beans.
20. If you order a coffee-like drink that includes whipped cream, you have ordered a milkshake, not coffee--- even if it's hot.
21. Thunderstorms; 'nuff said!
22. I like to look at gardens; gardening itself is beyond me.
23. Music is the one sure way I can get out of my head and get close to God.
24. Writing is the one sure way I can get out of my head and get close to me.
25. I love the sky at twilight, when it glows like a Maxfield Parrish painting, outlining the world in gold and cerulean blue.
26. I think magic lives in the in-between times.
27. I used to live with the dictum "If you ignore something long enough, it will go away."
28. This rarely turned out to be true.
29. Surprisingly enough, just because you don't open a bill doesn't mean you don't owe the money.
30. Creditors don't want my money; they want their money.
31. Sometimes, I need to be reminded to breathe.
32. Compassion, kindness, love--- how rich life is when I face the world looking through this prism.
33. One man's science is another man's magic.
34. It is an amazing and profound gift, to see me through the eyes of someone else.
35. Sometimes, there are monsters under the bed.
36. I am a better teacher one-on-one than in a group.
37. I am breathless, watching my son take his first real steps outside of his childish self-absorption, into a world that includes an Otherness--- things and people and ideas that are not him, and doing it with a grace that surprises me.
38. For all that I am a liberated, independent, "uppity" woman of my generation, I find that, when push comes to shove, I am, in actuality, the Fixer of Broken Things.
39. There are times when I want to sell my son.
40. My son and I play the "guess what game" these days, and the answer is always "I love you."
41. My son knows me well enough to know which commercials I will cry at, and loves me enough to not be too embarrassed about it.
42. I get tired of always having to be the Adult.
43. I get lonely and scared and sad and lost more often than I care to admit.
44. It never ceases to amaze me that I have people in my life who hold out a hand and shine a light in my darkness.
45. My brother is dying and there's not a damned thing I can do about it.
46. I want to dance a fiery path to God, sing joyously, live fearlessly, love well.
47. I am so much more naive than I could ever have imagined.
48. I have been blessed beyond belief.
49. My favorite joke involves an impatient cow.
50. Remember to clean up your mess, speak kindly, go a little slower.
51. Try to remember that you never have to go it alone.