About Me

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I write, mostly to keep my head from exploding. It threatens to do that a lot. My blog is the pixelated version of all the voices in my head. I tend to dive into what connects me to God, my community, my family and my doubt. I do a lot of searching, not as much finding. I’m good with that. I have learned, finally, to live comfortably in the gray. In the meantime, I wrestle with God, and my doubt and my joy.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

The Edge of Everything

We gathered,
all of us,
having walked this long road
Before.

There is so much I don't
remember of it:
Cold
and dust
and heat-cracked pavement.

And noise!
God, the noise--
It could tear you apart
and get inside your head
and all you want
is just a little piece of
Quiet,
A chance to
Breathe
without feeling like
Everything--
your hope
your fear
your love
and
doubt--
All of it,
All of you
was caught
somewhere in your chest,
or maybe your throat,
And all you want is just one small
Breath
to be easy
and quiet.

So we gathered
there,
Here
at the edge,
the very edge of
Everything;
Stopped in our noise
and our doubt
and fear.
Stopped
at the edge
of love
and hunger:
At the edge of want,
to catch the light
of a thousand suns
and ten thousand moons
and absolute

Stillness.

Glinting of silver
and an infinity of
Blue,
Subtle variations
of color
and depth,
Caught
in the  reflection of
Sky.
Caught,
all along the edges,
with light.

We gathered here,
Together,
at the edge,
bathed in
silence
and bending light,
weary and
ready, 
to leap. 
To dive into that pool
filled to overflowing
with love
and doubt
and hunger 
and hope,
that waiting pool of 
Self.

There, 
And filled now with sudden, shivery
Stillness,
and stars that reel
in mirrored waters.

And so I leap
With the light of
Heaven,
Of earth and sky,
Reflecting
all my doubt
my love
and longing.

And I remember
A road of dust and
Heat-cracked pavement
And I gather in the noise
And light
And breath-stopping fear,
Gather them in, to
Release them
In a single
Graceful sweep:
There is beauty in my pain.
There is more in
Letting go.

And so I breathe:
I am returned
To the edge of my
Beginning.


For Elul 5773
Dedicated to Craig Taubman, for first showing me the beauty of this month, and Julie Silver, for showing me the beauty of letting go.